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50 Corny ‘Dad’ Jokes to Make Your Day

The best dad jokes are either genuinely funny or just too bad that you just laugh it off painfully.

Who wouldn’t want to let out a little laugh these days?

dad joke : a wholesome joke of the type said to be told by fathers with a punchline that is often an obvious or predictable pun or play on words and usually judged to be endearingly corny or unfunny

“Dad joke.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dad%20joke. Accessed 20 Jun. 2020.

Poor ol’ dad gets stereotyped as an ultra corny dude these days. But dad or not, we just want to be corny!

via GIPHY

Here are 50 corny ‘dad’ jokes that we hope will get you laughing or at least giggle a bit! (Oh, stop rolling your eyes.)

Corny Dad Jokes

  1. 1. Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

2. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!

3. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.

4. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

5. Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

6. Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

7. How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.

8. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.

9. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.

10. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

11. Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn’t know it was on fire.

12. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

13. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!

14. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

15. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!

16. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

17. Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!

18. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.

19. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.

20. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!

21. What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!

22. I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now.

23. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents!

24. Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change color? He had a reptile dysfunction.

25. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.

26. What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1

27. What sound does a witches car make? Broom Broom

28. To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!

29. What does a zombie vegetarian eat? GRRRAAAIINS!

30. I tell dad jokes, but I don’t have any kids. I’m a faux pa.

31. Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, “No, just leave it in the carton!”

32. Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!

33. Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “do you know how to drive this thing?”

34. What’s that Nevada city where all the dentists visit? Floss Vegas.

35. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

36. You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there? European.

37. Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.

38. What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!

39. I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts.

40. What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.

41. The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

42. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.

43. 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.

44. Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

45. What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.

46. I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

47. What’s black and white and goes around and around? A penguin in a revolving door.

48. What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish!

49. To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide but you can’t run.

50. I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!